Why Secrets Are No Fun When You’re Over 50? Reveal Your Secrets or Not?

After age fifty, should you reveal you deepest darkest secrets?

Some couples think that unveiling secrets about what you have done before you met is a waste of time. However, after asking 50 couples who have been together for more than 15 years and 10 new couples over fifty, we came up with a very interesting mixture of results.

Both married couples, and newly dating couples in their fifties seemed apprehensive to unveil secrets from their past to their partner.

Most (70%) of woman believed that there is no reason to bring up the past in the present. If you have done something horrific with another partner, or you have done something you regret – leave it in the past. No need to bring it up. Cindy, 55, stated “A relationships does take trust, and time, however I never openly told my husband about my past experiences. The past is where I left it. Why would I want to add heat to a perfectly good relationship”.

This was interesting. Similarly, 80% of the men stated that they would NOT want to know of the past. If there is something she had done, the men seemed to be in consensus that they did not want to hear about the past.  Those that stated they wanted to know also stated that they knew their partner forever, and they knew all the secrets. However, if there was something they did not know they would not want to know.

In addition, Charles, a 59-year-old male, dating a woman for the past few months stated “The secrets I keep from my partner are things I don’t want her knowing, and things I know can ruin the relationship we have now. There is no reason to ruin the relationship.”

It seems that the past does deserve to be in the past. Men and women over fifty, dating or already in a relationship seem to agree that secrets from the past deserve to be in the past.

The main reason: no need to ruin what they currently have. If you have a peaceful relationship, why add drama, and open a can of worms? Both men and women seemed to think that all that mattered was the present. If there was something that person had done in the past, Sarah, 59 stated “I would rather not know, because it would ruin the way I viewed the person.”

Perception had a large part to do with holding back secrets. The perception of who you are with them is different than it was in the past, and for that reason they stated the past is better suited in the past. James said “I know I have changed for the better, and don’t even like thinking of that person I was.”

Ultimately, people do learn from their mistakes. People can grow. People can change, and it was for that reason that secrets were better off-untold.

Until next time . . .

www.sitalong.com Where Relationships Over Fifty Begin Anew.