My Son Is NOT Me & It Took Me TOO LONG to Realize

There comes a time in your life when you realize you are NOT your son. At 59 years old my 27-year-old son shed light on something evident to everyone else but me. The other day, my son sat me down and discussed with me the obvious fact that he was not me.

After years and years of trying to shape him into the best man I could, I finally realized that no matter how hard I pushed him, and tried to encourage him to be a certain way the truth is I couldn’t live his life, vicariously through him.

Was this selfish? Yes. Was I being caring? No.

Why was it selfish?  Because, I had never let go of him, I’ve never let him explore his desires. I failed to rejoice in his merits and celebrated the ones I encouraged.

All in all, it’s now at the age of 59, that I realize that taking a few steps back could have been helpful. Failing to support his own dreams impaired his ability to enjoy his own accomplishments. I enjoyed them, however he neglected to.

I want all parents, and my son to know that I am proud of him. I know it took me time, but I can now say “My son, he is not me”. He is his own being, and I need to accept and respect his decisions in life. The failure to accept his decisions has distanced him from wanting to share future experiences with me. For that reason, I urge parents to recognize that your son is not you.  Admitting to my son that this was in fact the case, has now given me the joy to be included in the accomplishments he makes on his own.

Being a part of his life has made me a happy father, and although it took me time to realize better late than never. Most importantly, I thank him for sitting me down, and sharing with me how he truly felt.
In sum, although it took me a long time to realize it I’m proud that my son confronted me on this issue. However, sometimes I wish, I would have realized sooner. Keep in mind that our children are not us. When that day comes, you will feel a sense of accomplishment and excitement. I felt selfish for not approaching him, however ultimately I’m glad he sat me down and he let me know. Now, I know my son is not me, but he is part of me, and thankfully I am part of him.


Until Next Time…